The Secret Influence of Siblings

Hi there
your topic today is very interesting!
As the oldest of 5 siblings (4 girLs, then a boy who is ten years younger than me), I have so many comments and questions.
One idea that I haven't heard you discuss is the role of the oldest and youngest as we age.
My brother and I are the bookends of the family, the leaders, the ones that the others turn to (even my widowed mother). And oddly, even though we were not close as kids due to the age difference, he is the one I am closest to now.
I thought we were fairly unique, until I was talking to a friend who is the youngest sibling, and she had a similar relationship.
Too late to get onto your show now, but just want to throw this out there for discussion and the consideration of the experts!
SLH

Ironically I listened to this morning's show on my way to a therapy session where I've been trying to process the horror of my growing up. I have one sister who is younger and because of a childhood illness was mother's "favorite". While I don't begrudge her the status I do struggle with the repercussions of it being mishandled by my parents. I have been the family bitch all of my life while all I was trying to do is be heard.

My sister uses this angle to keep mother close and to still -- in my late fifties---get me in trouble.

Even though the rest of the world thinks I'm a very nice person with a good bit of intelligence---because of the issues of childhood I still see myself as a nasty, selfish and demanding person with no voice. This has colored my relationships forever.

I was amazed at the response I had to the discussion of siblings. I was stricken with dread, anger, fear, resentment. In my experience, siblings suck! I had to work hard for much of my life to convince myself that I didn't deserve the petty, competitive, hateful, contemptuous treatment I got from my sisters, one of whom was two years older, one who was 2 years younger. I had such a bad time with them that I swore I would never have more than one child. So now, of course, my daughter begs me for a sister! I tell her she's darn lucky to have such a caring mother!

Back when I was in therapy -- which I should have billed my sisters for! -- my therapist assigned me to do a reality check on how my sisters really felt about me. So I interviewed them separately. They both told me they hated me when we were kids. My younger sister actually shook with tension and made fists while she was saying this. My therapist was shocked when I reported the results of my interviews -- I guess she'd presumed it was all in my childish little head.

I am certainly not close friends now with these sisters. We chat on the phone sometimes, but I'm still afraid of them. I didn't realize how much those feelings were still with me till I heard your program.