Top Ten Things I Am Not Going To Do During This 'Les Miserables' Screening
It's just about that time when members of the press begin to attend screenings of Les Miserables. I hereby vow to engage in none of the following conduct.
1. Throw crusts of bread at the screen and yell, "HEY, JEAN VALJEAN, ARE YOU HUNGRY?"
2. Do my imitation of Amanda Seyfried singing "There are so many questions and ah-nswers that somehow seem wrong," even though it's really funny and quite terrifying.
3. Refer to the short-haired Anne Hathaway as "Ruth Buzz-y."
4. Sing "I am the monarch of the sea" whenever Russell Crowe appears in uniform.
5. Wear my Pepe Le Pew shirt and keep pointing to it going, "Huh? Right?"
6. The Time Warp.
7. Covertly record the movie on my phone and upload it to a Hugh Jackman facial hair fan site.
8. Yell "You would never make it on the legitimate stage!" whenever anyone starts singing.
9. Sing "Airball! Airball!" when anyone is shot at and not hit.
10. Be miserables.