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Tue June 18, 2013
Death Of A Puppy: An Exclusive Imaginary Excerpt From The 'Man Of Steel' Sequel
NPR has obtained [or invented, whatever] an excerpt of the draft script for Zack Snyder's much-rumored sequel to the hugely successful Man Of Steel. The script, which was found in a booth at the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf on La Cienega, suggests that the distinctive tone set by Christopher Nolan's Dark Knight trilogy and adopted by Snyder's Man Of Steel will continue to inform the expanding cinematic universe of DC Comics characters.
JUSTICE LEAGUE: THE MOVIE
Screenplay by David S. Goyer
Produced by Christopher Nolan
Directed by Zack Snyder
INT. HALL OF JUSTICE - DAY.
A large central table occupies most of the room, surrounded by large red chairs adorned with the insignia of various heroes.
SUPERMAN (grimly): .... I wanted to save them. I wanted to save all of them.
I had to try. Because that is what I do. It's ... it's who I am.
BATMAN, WONDER WOMAN enter. BATMAN glares at SUPERMAN. WONDER WOMAN looks on.
BATMAN (grimly): I ... am the soul of Gotham.
SUPERMAN (grimly): I ... made coffee. We're out of regular. There was only hazelnut.
WONDER WOMAN (grimly): I ... am a Warrior for Peace. Also, hazelnut ... is gross.
SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN fight. WONDER WOMAN punches SUPERMAN through skylight.
INT. CHILDREN'S HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM - DAY.
Chaos. Throngs of injured children lay strewn around the waiting room on stretchers, daybeds. A harried ADMITTING NURSE speaks to a bandaged mother cradling her wailing baby.
ADMITTING NURSE (grimly): I'm sorry, there's no more room. We're three to a bed already.
Just from that brawl in Metropolis. So many innocent, injured, tiny children.
We can't –
SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN crash through the ceiling, which crumbles. Screams. Blood. Silence. Standing unhurt atop the rubble, SUPERMAN punches WONDER WOMAN, sending her flying out of frame.
INT. SAINT SEBASTIAN'S HOME FOR DIABETIC PUPPIES – DAY.
Hundreds of adorable puppies romp and play and submit themselves bravely to insulin shots caringly administered by teams of smiling attendants.
CLOSE ON the TINIEST AND MOST ADORABLE PUPPY, who tilts his head inquisitively, at a distant noise.
TINIEST AND MOST ADORABLE PUPPY (grimly):
SUPERMAN and WONDER WOMAN crash through the rear wall, which causes the ceiling to crumble. Screams. Blood. Silence. Standing unhurt atop the rubble, WONDER WOMAN punches SUPERMAN, sending him flying out of frame.
INT. HALL OF JUSTICE – DAY.
BATMAN has been joined by THE FLASH, AQUAMAN, GREEN LANTERN, and GREEN ARROW. The five men sit at the central table and stare at one another grimly, as the burden of their powers weighs heavily upon them.
THE FLASH (grimly): I ... cannot run from the past.
AQUAMAN (grimly): I ... am an outsider in a world that mocks that which sets me apart.
GREEN LANTERN (grimly): I know what it is to be afraid of being afraid.
GREEN ARROW (grimly): I ... what?
GREEN LANTERN (grimly): I said, "I know what it is to be afraid of being afraid."
TROUBLALERT (V.O.) (grimly): Justice League Alert. Mass casualties reported downtown.
GREEN ARROW (grimly): What does "afraid of being afraid" mean?
TROUBLALERT (V.O.) (grimly): Hundreds ... correction: Thousands missing and presumed dead.
Path of destruction heading towards eldercare facilities.
GREEN LANTERN (grimly): I dunno. I just felt the need to explicitly state my organizing principle.
GREEN ARROW (grimly): No, yeah, I get that. We all feel that. I just didn't understand yours.
GREEN LANTERN (grimly): ... No one ... understands.
INT. SUNRISE MANOR HOME FOR WISE OLD FOLKS WHO REMAIN SPRY AND STILL HAVE MUCH WISDOM TO IMPART AND HAVE YEARS OF FULL RICH HEALTHY LIFE TO GO GO GO! – DAY
A bright, sun-dappled dayroom where hale and hearty elderly folks smile and laugh and play pattycake with visiting grandchildren. A KINDLY OLD MAN WHO IS, LIKE, A RETIRED NEUROSURGEON PROBABLY? looks out the bay window, concerned.
KINDLY OLD MAN WHO IS, LIKE, A RETIRED NEUROSURGEON PROBABLY? (grimly): What's that? That speck in the sky?