The Salt
2:05 pm
Mon April 7, 2014

Sandwich Monday: Snail Sausage Sandwich

Originally published on Mon April 7, 2014 3:01 pm

At Publican Quality Meats of Chicago, chefs make their famous snail sausage by leaving a hot dog bun out in the garden near the lettuces, waiting a bit, then snapping the bun shut.

Snails aren't good at fast getaways. Actually, Publican takes its pork sausage recipe and adds snail meat and lots of butter. We had ours with spicy hot mustard.

Peter: The trip to my mouth was the fastest those snails have ever moved.

Miles: Less escargot, more escarget-in-my-mouth.

Ian: Snail is so fancy! I have to remember to use my dinner hands and not my salad hands.

Peter: I'm going to open a restaurant where this is the only thing on the menu and call it A Snail's Place.

Miles: Huh. Wikipedia lists the snail's natural predator as food bloggers.

Robert: I wonder if the slugs are jealous. "What's he got that I don't, other than a shell and a reputation for being edible?"

Miles: What are snails but slugs with luggage?

Miles: It's a little disconcerting that it screams when you add salt.

Ian: I didn't want to eat snail, but sausageification makes anything easier to take. That's why I've used Breakup Sausage so many times in the past.

Robert: Now that I've tried this, can someone tell me how to get rid of this slimy trail that I'm leaving behind wherever I go?

[The verdict: we were all intimidated by the snail, but in fact this was a delicious sandwich. I will never look at slimy disgusting things that make me shudder with loathing the same way. Now I shall shudder with delight.]

Sandwich Monday is a satirical feature from the humorists at Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!

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